Numb is better than empty

Don’t know how she could blame their breakup on me

I was just trying to do the best for her anyways. Probably won’t get any of my stuff back from that shithead but whatever. Won’t be posting here anymore, so bye

Was rude to Tyler this morning

He offered me a glove for yardwork and I just ignored him. He was a totally dick to me yeasterday, I should wait for him to apologize before I speak to him, right? Or maybe thats how he was apologizing

Tried to make my mom see sense

She’s just ignoring me, and my sisters complaints. And Tylers. I’m not fucking putting up with it anymore, I taking a handful of pills right now. Hopefull this working out the way I want it too

FUCK YOU, CARL BUSBY

Was woken up today, after I didn’t sleep very well, by Carl who told me to get up. I did, went out to the living room, and since Tyler was watching tv I decided to watch some myself. Apparently, thats unacceptable because Carl fucking yelled at me and starts making me do yardwork, when once again, I have family in town who I hardly ever get to see. So I texted my sisters before I started, worked for five minutes, and left. Not gonna do his fucking yard work if 1, I’m getting kicked out and 2, I never signed any agreement to do yard work for him. I hope he breaks his fucking back finishing that work. I just got my clothes so I don’t have to be near him because I absolutly cannot stand that prick anymore. Since my mom was there, I let her know that at least Dad didn’t find someone who treated his kids like shit

My sister’s Graduation

Kinda dreaded this day. I saw her again, and she’s still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.Tyler had a meltdown, so once again, we were on Carl’s schedule. Fucking prick. Then at lunch, Tyler’s texting me and he starts to be a prick to me. Because he’s my only friend anymore, I was really upset but its my sisters day, so I just said it was nothing when people asked. Everyone just took that and left it. Except Carl. He first asked why I was lying to him, so I just said I didn’t want to talk about it. He told me that there was no reason to get a shitty attitude with him. That just put me past the point of self control. Once I got home, I cut myself the worst I have and fell asleep. I don’t know how I didn’t get blood on the sheets

I’m fucking tired of doing yard work.

I am not Carl’s bitch to do whatever he wants. Especially not when I have family in town, family that I rarely get to see, because unlike him, I can’t just drive up the road to see my grandparents. He can be so fucking inconsiderate sometimes, but of course, his “charm” will keep mom from seeing that. I feel like she doesn’t care about us kids, or tyler. She’s always over at Carls, which makes all of us who live at his home uncomfortable. Which is obvious because Alli heard someone say that Tyler hates my mom. I’m not surprised since she’s around so often

Starting to lose my best and only friend

He just doesn’t talk to me anymore. Its either because he hates me, or that he hates my mom. Or it could be that his dad still thinks I’m a little shit and hates me. That’s probably it. Sometimes, I wish he’d stop trying to “motivate” me. Like when I have a job already and he wants me to do get another. I know he isn’t my father nor do I want him to act like so, but I still want him to be proud of me. I just feel like a disappoiment to him. Like I’m a dissapointment to my real dad. Just gonna go cut some more

Got told to move out

He said that he’s tried and tried to get me going, get me motivated but that he just couldn’t. And I know he almost said its impossible. Fucking asshole, I’m literally crying as I type this and as soon as I’m down, I’m gonna go cut and take some sleeping pills. I can’t stand this household anymore

Got called an unproductive, selfish little shit today

My mom’s boyfriend. I’m beginning to notice what my sisters don’t like about him. He’s always rude and I always feel like he’s trying to act like a father. Anyways, his whole rant makes me feel like shit. And then he just went about doing things like nothing is wrong. I just went into my room and cut for the first time since I got out of the hospital. It didn’t hardly help at all, but at least between the pain and the crying, I was able to fall asleep

If you have ever taken a razor blade to that beautiful body of yours, skipped one or more meals, cried yourself to sleep because you never thought you were good enough, attempted any sort of self harm, had thoughts of taking your own life, or actually tried it, HONESTLY reblog this.

together-like-spoons-carrots:

i do this all the time, i feel so ashamed :/

(Source: r-e-f-u-s-a-l)